words to say that can't be said
sokale ghum theke uthe mone mone onek onek kotha bolechi. likhte bose r kichui mone porche na.
why don't you understand that what i do is no way intentional. jeta tomar pokkhe khub shavabik, seta amake shikhte hocche. cos i really didn't grow up as i should have in the age i have i have reached. you know that.. you know how immatured i am. you know the best about me. how i am. you discovered how immatured and childish i am inside. and with ur guidance and help and inspiration i am building myself up to face the real world. i am breaking the bubble i lived inside. don't you know that... you do.. you very much do. remember all the times we cried and discussed these things over the phone... i am trying to grow up here.. and you were helping me.. i am learning and trying to practice what i've learned so far.. but i can't be right all the time.. i might make mistakes... i am human
i don't know why all of a sudden u r forgetting that... and expecting me to be all perfect... i am not.. well not yet.. but i AM trying...... none can be all perfect. but i wish to get as close as possible..
ami tomar kotha onek gurutto dei.. jotoi mon kharap thakuk na keno, ba jaihok na keno moner obostha. ami monojog diye shuni... age shuntam na.. mane constant monojog rakhte portamm na.. ekhon rakhi... shudhu tomar kothai na. je karo kotha.. cos u once told me to " pay attention" ... ami jani ami kotota immatured abong amar onek ghatti ase.. thats why i listen to what you say about the mistakes i amke and my faults.... but if . amar jaigai kono fully matured, grown up meye hoito. tar upor tumi emon khobordarii korte gele.. khobor chilo..
what u said about exposing urself. etc.. i really keep that in mind and try to follow it.. age jokhon freindra eksathe hole ekjonke arekjonke pochay. serokom amio tomake pochanor chesta kortam.. tumi bolar por e bepare sotoro hoisi. ekhon r kori na.. kintu kalke jemon tumi jokhon tumi ghumay chila. ami balish a lala laga niye kotha bolte gesilam... tokhon tumi emon shavabik achoron korso ami ekdom bujhi nai.. sotti bujhi nai.. jokhon ami emo vul kori tumi setake chapa deyar jonno ato beshi shavabik achoron koro je ami aro bujhte pari na... jodi chokhe ektu ishara koro, be kisu ekta tahole to dhorte pari.... kintu esob kotha ki tomake bole kno lav ache?? jodi tumi bujhtei na chao amar kotha.. shuntei na chao. tobe ato kotha bola sob e britha. ei jonnoi tomake na bole diaryte likhchi...
uffffffff ami je chesta korchi seta ami tomake ki kore bujhabo... now i wish that the word "try" wasn't just an abstract idea. there would be physical refence of try. like if someone tried they'd have marks on their hands maybe little pimples will grow to show that they are trying ... *Sigh*
ami ki kore dekhabo amar triumph!...karon tumi amake bolcho ekta jinish na korte.. ami o chesta korchi oi kajta ami na kori. ami jeta korchia seta ami kivabe dekhabo. jeta vul kore hoye jacche setai to dekha jacche. its like asking someone to remove the black spots from a dirty canvas.. ba aro valo udaharon hoi kauke chal bachte deya. chaler majhe onek kalo chal.. ami segula beche beche fele dicchi ek ek kore...kintu jegula beche fele dicchi segula to r dekha jacche na.. ek tray chal er majhe je kalo chal jegula ekhono roye jacche segulai deka jacche. ebong seta dekhe tumi bolcho , kalo chal to thekei gese. ami ghorar dim chal bachi.. ami kichui kori nai... ami osohay.. ami ki ba bolte pari... karon sob beche porishkar kora na porjonto to tumi shikar korbe na je ami kisu korsi... ami chesta korei jacche. r protibar tumi abar evabe ragaragi kore amar mon venge dao... ami abar gora theke shuru kori...
it's like a minesweeper game...osongkho mine chorano.. ekta ekta kore erie jai. kintu ekta vul click kore fellei sob shesh. abar gora theke shuru korte hoi.. porerbar chesta kore hoito ager che beshi mine sorate pari.. kintu tarpor abar "game over" hoye jai.. minesweeper game to tao valo. ami je chesta kroechi tar ekta chinho thake picchi flag diye. ar life game e to kono chinhoi nai. so tumi bissas korbe keno??
kalke jokhon tumi amake phone a bolso ami je ki koshto paisi. thak se kotha tomake bole lav nai.. amar mone hoise cartoon a jerokom dekhay venge gura gura hoye pore jay r ekjon ese jharu diye tule dustbin a fele dey.. serokom venge gura gura hoye pore gesi...
everytime you shatter me in peices like that, i collect myself up again. and again start trying.. (ekta kotha.. ami jokhon e kisu kori mone mone ekta lukano asha thake. amar kaj dekhe keu porshongsa kkorbe keu, na korle amar mon kharap hoi.. kintu ei khetre i should seriously give up my dream of being praised... karon ekhane amar kajer proshingsa to dure thak, chestar shikriti e nai... so... asha kora manei nijeke koshto deya.. ) kintu tarporeo ami chesta kore jacchi... korei jacchi korei jacchi korei jacchi... keno?? ami janina . sotti janina.. cos this isn't like the "self centered" Himi...
right now i am confused... should i grow up or not... cos when i was not grown up and acted like a baby, u used to forgive my faults and encourage me... but now that i am growing up, you're only seeing my faults... no encouragements. and only vortsona... nijeke amar mone hocche bangla cinemar shabana ovinto kajer beti rahimar moto.. je saradin sob kaj kore. kintu ekta plate vanglei shuru hoi mardhor...
i could have stayed the way i was. living inside this bubble and fantasy world i creeated. but i decided to change so that i can take care of you... and i am trying to take care of myself too. but i still like to have you taking care of me... i could have spent my life the way i was, kon chulay jetam, i wouldn't have bothered... i am trying to become the way you want me to be.. but you encouraged me to start the journey but you are not being any helpful to get me through this tough journey.. it isn't easy for me and you not making it easier if you keep braking me apart everytime i falter..
you have this amazing chance. moner moto kauke khuje paowa vagger bepar. ar tomar sujogta aro boro. moner moto kore tumi gore nite parcho... for you i broke down... mar kholos ami venge felechi.. ekdom baby hoye giechi. like norom kada. tomar sujog ache. tomar moto kore gore neyar... kintu ekhon tumi chaccho mati jeno apni theke toiri sundor murti hoye jay.. you want instant coffee. espresso.. chulay jal diye cha banano tomar iccha korche na... chulay pani bosiye dilei cha hoi na.. aro kisu lage..
valo tomar jodi iccha na kore, tobe thakuk tomar chayer patil chulay pore... tumi readymade espresso coffee khuje nao... ami chulay pore shukiye shukiye batase bashpo hoye mishe jabo... tumi ter o pabe na.....
why don't you understand that what i do is no way intentional. jeta tomar pokkhe khub shavabik, seta amake shikhte hocche. cos i really didn't grow up as i should have in the age i have i have reached. you know that.. you know how immatured i am. you know the best about me. how i am. you discovered how immatured and childish i am inside. and with ur guidance and help and inspiration i am building myself up to face the real world. i am breaking the bubble i lived inside. don't you know that... you do.. you very much do. remember all the times we cried and discussed these things over the phone... i am trying to grow up here.. and you were helping me.. i am learning and trying to practice what i've learned so far.. but i can't be right all the time.. i might make mistakes... i am human
i don't know why all of a sudden u r forgetting that... and expecting me to be all perfect... i am not.. well not yet.. but i AM trying...... none can be all perfect. but i wish to get as close as possible..
ami tomar kotha onek gurutto dei.. jotoi mon kharap thakuk na keno, ba jaihok na keno moner obostha. ami monojog diye shuni... age shuntam na.. mane constant monojog rakhte portamm na.. ekhon rakhi... shudhu tomar kothai na. je karo kotha.. cos u once told me to " pay attention" ... ami jani ami kotota immatured abong amar onek ghatti ase.. thats why i listen to what you say about the mistakes i amke and my faults.... but if . amar jaigai kono fully matured, grown up meye hoito. tar upor tumi emon khobordarii korte gele.. khobor chilo..
what u said about exposing urself. etc.. i really keep that in mind and try to follow it.. age jokhon freindra eksathe hole ekjonke arekjonke pochay. serokom amio tomake pochanor chesta kortam.. tumi bolar por e bepare sotoro hoisi. ekhon r kori na.. kintu kalke jemon tumi jokhon tumi ghumay chila. ami balish a lala laga niye kotha bolte gesilam... tokhon tumi emon shavabik achoron korso ami ekdom bujhi nai.. sotti bujhi nai.. jokhon ami emo vul kori tumi setake chapa deyar jonno ato beshi shavabik achoron koro je ami aro bujhte pari na... jodi chokhe ektu ishara koro, be kisu ekta tahole to dhorte pari.... kintu esob kotha ki tomake bole kno lav ache?? jodi tumi bujhtei na chao amar kotha.. shuntei na chao. tobe ato kotha bola sob e britha. ei jonnoi tomake na bole diaryte likhchi...
uffffffff ami je chesta korchi seta ami tomake ki kore bujhabo... now i wish that the word "try" wasn't just an abstract idea. there would be physical refence of try. like if someone tried they'd have marks on their hands maybe little pimples will grow to show that they are trying ... *Sigh*
ami ki kore dekhabo amar triumph!...karon tumi amake bolcho ekta jinish na korte.. ami o chesta korchi oi kajta ami na kori. ami jeta korchia seta ami kivabe dekhabo. jeta vul kore hoye jacche setai to dekha jacche. its like asking someone to remove the black spots from a dirty canvas.. ba aro valo udaharon hoi kauke chal bachte deya. chaler majhe onek kalo chal.. ami segula beche beche fele dicchi ek ek kore...kintu jegula beche fele dicchi segula to r dekha jacche na.. ek tray chal er majhe je kalo chal jegula ekhono roye jacche segulai deka jacche. ebong seta dekhe tumi bolcho , kalo chal to thekei gese. ami ghorar dim chal bachi.. ami kichui kori nai... ami osohay.. ami ki ba bolte pari... karon sob beche porishkar kora na porjonto to tumi shikar korbe na je ami kisu korsi... ami chesta korei jacche. r protibar tumi abar evabe ragaragi kore amar mon venge dao... ami abar gora theke shuru kori...
it's like a minesweeper game...osongkho mine chorano.. ekta ekta kore erie jai. kintu ekta vul click kore fellei sob shesh. abar gora theke shuru korte hoi.. porerbar chesta kore hoito ager che beshi mine sorate pari.. kintu tarpor abar "game over" hoye jai.. minesweeper game to tao valo. ami je chesta kroechi tar ekta chinho thake picchi flag diye. ar life game e to kono chinhoi nai. so tumi bissas korbe keno??
kalke jokhon tumi amake phone a bolso ami je ki koshto paisi. thak se kotha tomake bole lav nai.. amar mone hoise cartoon a jerokom dekhay venge gura gura hoye pore jay r ekjon ese jharu diye tule dustbin a fele dey.. serokom venge gura gura hoye pore gesi...
everytime you shatter me in peices like that, i collect myself up again. and again start trying.. (ekta kotha.. ami jokhon e kisu kori mone mone ekta lukano asha thake. amar kaj dekhe keu porshongsa kkorbe keu, na korle amar mon kharap hoi.. kintu ei khetre i should seriously give up my dream of being praised... karon ekhane amar kajer proshingsa to dure thak, chestar shikriti e nai... so... asha kora manei nijeke koshto deya.. ) kintu tarporeo ami chesta kore jacchi... korei jacchi korei jacchi korei jacchi... keno?? ami janina . sotti janina.. cos this isn't like the "self centered" Himi...
right now i am confused... should i grow up or not... cos when i was not grown up and acted like a baby, u used to forgive my faults and encourage me... but now that i am growing up, you're only seeing my faults... no encouragements. and only vortsona... nijeke amar mone hocche bangla cinemar shabana ovinto kajer beti rahimar moto.. je saradin sob kaj kore. kintu ekta plate vanglei shuru hoi mardhor...
i could have stayed the way i was. living inside this bubble and fantasy world i creeated. but i decided to change so that i can take care of you... and i am trying to take care of myself too. but i still like to have you taking care of me... i could have spent my life the way i was, kon chulay jetam, i wouldn't have bothered... i am trying to become the way you want me to be.. but you encouraged me to start the journey but you are not being any helpful to get me through this tough journey.. it isn't easy for me and you not making it easier if you keep braking me apart everytime i falter..
you have this amazing chance. moner moto kauke khuje paowa vagger bepar. ar tomar sujogta aro boro. moner moto kore tumi gore nite parcho... for you i broke down... mar kholos ami venge felechi.. ekdom baby hoye giechi. like norom kada. tomar sujog ache. tomar moto kore gore neyar... kintu ekhon tumi chaccho mati jeno apni theke toiri sundor murti hoye jay.. you want instant coffee. espresso.. chulay jal diye cha banano tomar iccha korche na... chulay pani bosiye dilei cha hoi na.. aro kisu lage..
valo tomar jodi iccha na kore, tobe thakuk tomar chayer patil chulay pore... tumi readymade espresso coffee khuje nao... ami chulay pore shukiye shukiye batase bashpo hoye mishe jabo... tumi ter o pabe na.....
posted by Dew at
9:29:00 AM
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